Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
