After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She bit a glass in half.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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