Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did I show you my penis last night?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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