So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
