I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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