i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
