Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think I just sharted jello shots
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
