Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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