i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
