I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
