Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
