i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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