i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
