I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
