I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
