I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
