She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
