I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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