Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
