"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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