anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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