He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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