batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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