so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
