My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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