is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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