so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
