A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
