Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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