I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
