actually, I'm a sock model
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
