Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
FUCK WHALES
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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