You're my little dorito
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
