It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
