i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
