Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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