Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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