take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ok first of all what the fuck
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
