I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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