my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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