Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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