the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
