And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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