was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
