just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
