So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
