the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
