you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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