new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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