conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
