i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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