thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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