I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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