You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
