my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
