hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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