This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
